Epic Page

Dos Equis style

• "I don't always see tunnels, but when I do, I fly a jet fighter through it at the speed of sound."
• "I don't always see a massive 30+ turbine airborne aircraft carrier, but when I do, I take it out a a one-man army." (Despite having an entire aerial fleet at my disposal.)
• "I don't always drink, but when I do, I prefer the Sky Kid bar."
• "I don't always decide on a Ace style, but when I do, I prefer my own."
• "I don't always take out the SOLG, but when I do, I fly right through it."
• "I don't always fly a Falken, but when I do, IMMA FIRIN MA LAZAR!  BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
• "I don't always choose a specific mission route, but when I do, I blast straight to the capital."
• "I don't always design a computer program that predicts a war, but when I do, I name it after a clownfish."
• "I don't always get shot down, but when I do, I hack into the enemy fighter and shoot down the other enemy fighters with it."
• "I don't always have enemies that use Pugachev's Cobra against me, but when I do, I don't bother with missiles - I kill them with my gun."
• "I don't always fly near a tornado, but when I do, I fire a missile at the bottom of it."
• "I don't always fly a piston-engined fighter that's outdated by at least fifty plus years, but when I do, I beat F-22s and Su-50s on a regular basis." (OWNED!)
• "I don't always fly jet fighters, but when I do, I have way more ammunition than it should ever be able to carry."
• "I don't always use XAGMs, XLAAs or XMAAs when there's less than four targets to shoot at, but when I do, I spam them all on one target."
• "I don't always play the 'The Gauntlet', but when I do, the last enemy is always Mobius One."
• "I don't always have to deal with enemy radar jamming, but when I do, I take out the jammer first."
• "I don't always suffer mission failure, but when I do, an orchestra plays fail music to acknowledge my fail."
• "I don't always play HAWX, but when I do, I remember why I don't always play HAWX."
• "I don't always make friends with the enemy, but when I do, I call them a 'fascist pig'".
• "I don't always try to shoot down one of the planes in an elite squadron, but when I do, I go for the one with only one functioning engine."
• "I don't always edit the Ace Combat Fanon Wiki, but when I do, I always check this page first to see what else my fans have added to the list."
• "I don't always get to be the top ace in a war, but when I do, I'm completely mute except for being able to say "Yes", "No" or one of up to four extremely vague commands that only slightly alter how my wingmen fly."
• "I don't always comment on my wingman's choice of music, but when I do, I have to flip a coin to decide on my next mission."
• "I don't always fly MiG-29s, but when I do, mine flies like an obese whale washed up on a beach while the enemy's Fulcrums perform as well as they do in real life."
• "I don't always get shot down, but when I do, I never eject."
• "I don't always have to escort allied aircraft, but when I do, it's because the pilot of the other plane was stupid enough to fly straight and level with a SAM coming their way and gettng their radar and hydraulics knocked out on impact."
• "I don't always have a good wingman, but when I do, I shoot him down in the fighter pilot's equivalent of a medieval joust with him in a much better plane than mine."
• "I don't always shoot at Fernando Lopez (aka Espada 1), but when I do, no matter whether I actually shoot his crippled plane down or not, he dies anyway."
• "I don't always get shot at by a laser cannon mounted on the back of a superfighter, but when I do, my wingman flies in front of the laser and dies to save me."
• "I don't always have to attack enemy superweapons, but when I do, nine out of ten times they're named after something from Norse Mythology."
• "I don't always fly the A-10 Thunderbolt, but when I do, I fly it at Mach 1+ speed."
• "I don't always fly the Boeing 747, but when I do, I arm it with nuclear missiles."
• "I don't always hate Leasath, but when I do, I feel the need to send my fellow citizens into a factory with explosives."
• "I don't always appear, but when I do, it's in Ace Combat 2, Ace Combat 3, Ace Combat 04, Ace Combat 5, Ace Combat Infinity, and Assault Horizon."
• "I don't always edit the wiki, but when I do, it's the first wiki activity in a week or two."
• "I don't always engage TGT_LEAD enemies, but when I do, I engage DFM to blast them out of the sky."
• "I don't always fight the Yellow Squadron, but when I do, I shoot them down in less than five minutes with guns only because the idiots keep pulling Cobra maneuvers when I'm right behind them."
• "I don't always fly stealth aircraft in single-player campaigns, but when I do, it's detected just as easily as any other plane I fly."
• "I don't always have to escape from my airbase after I've been framed, but when I do, I fly a completely unarmed trainer jet with a dog in the back seat, following a Belkan War Veteran nicknamed after a bird from an obscure comic book."
• "I don't always have to shoot down nuclear-armed bombers, but when I do, it doesn't matter if I shoot them down or not, because the place just gets hit by nuclear missiles instead."
• "I don't always have to shoot down the Vallahia's superbombers, but when I do, they either fire electrolasers at me or they maneuver in ways that completely defy the laws of physics and aerodynamics."
• "I don't always order my wingman to use his special weapons, but when I do, I keep pressing the arrow buttons until I get a response from him"
• "I don't always play Lifeline, but when I do, the small oil tanker at the bottom of my screen gets bombed mercilessly at Mach 2+ speed."
• "I don't always play 8492, but when I do, I don't retreat and evade, I shoot 'em all down."

Chuck Norris Facts style

• The Ulysses would have fallen as one piece, but when Rick Morse looked at it, it broke apart.
• When the Missile Alert comes on, Rick Morse mutes it and the missile goes the other way.
• Osea would have been nuked, but Rick Morse said, "Don't tickle me."
• When Rick Morse ate too many tacos, Sudentor became a nuclear wasteland.
• Rick Morse decided to fold a plane. It was named the Arkbird.
• Jack Bartlett likes to move in three dimensions. Rick Morse is claustrophobic in six dimensions. (No? Maybe not...)
• The world still has boundaries because Rick Morse has allowed them to live between countries.
• Scinfaxi and Hrimfaxi launched burst missiles at Rick Morse. He slapped them out of the sky and said 'I hate mosquitoes'.
• Children look under their bed for the Demon of Razgriz. The Demon of Razgriz looks under his bed for Rick Morse.
• Any plane Rick Morse is on can't be detected by radar, because radar is afraid of being detected by HIM.
• The reason why Yuktobania developed a main battle tank that could be dropped from a C-130 was fear that Rick Morse would destroy them with his fists if they approached from the ground, as well as the fact that he can't fly...yet.
• Rick Morse met Lorenz Rydell while the latter was time traveling; he punched him so hard in the groin that he turned into a woman.
• Rick Morse decided to skip a stone across a pond. That stone is now known as Megalith.
• Grabacr and Ofnir Squadrons self-destructed when they saw Rick Morse step out onto his front porch without a shirt on. (yes, he's that manly that if he doesn't wear a shirt to contain his sheer manliness, things start to explode)
• The mere presence of Rick Morse's name on this page is the reason that it is called "Epic Page".
• The "Falken" is literally Rick Morse's personal falcon that he keeps in a cage. Same with the Raptor.
• When Diego Gaspar Navarro fled Leasath, he got a job in a Yuktobakian port as a prize starer (engaging new arrivals in staring contests for money.) He met up with Rick Morse. Rick Morse won with his eyes closed.
• When Rick Morse is in a COFFIN aircraft, the plane is automatically programmed to shoot down all enemies (and also friendlies if they're annoying enough).
• Rick Morse's favorite bathtub toy was broken because a sub sank it. (AC5)
• Rick Morse doesn't break the Fourth Wall.  He IS the Fourth Wall (therefore it can't break).
• Rick Morse decided to play baseball one day, and hit the ball into space; it finally came back down as the Ulysses Asteroid.
• The reason why one of Stonehenge's guns wasn't working when Mobius 1 destroyed it is because Rick Morse punched out the control mechanism, complaining that it was blocking his view.
• When Rick Morse plays Ace Combat: Infinity, fuel pays for him.
• Rick Morse is able to shoot down Ilya Pasternak's CFA-44 as soon as it appears...with his fists, because $%&* Plot-Driven Invulnerability, OR physics!  HE'S RICK MOTHER&%^$ING MORSE!!!
• Cipher became known as the Demon Lord of the Round Table because Rick Morse decided he was just fine with one less title, so he gave it away, the same goes for "Firebird", "The Ribbon", "Demon/Ghost of Razgriz", "Talisman" and "The Southern Cross".
• "How many kills has Rick Morse gotten as a pilot?" Well, it takes five to be an ace, right? "Yeah..." And the universe has been around for how long?
• To dodge normally, the plane must slow down until the triangles overlap, and the bumpers are pressed together. By the time Rick Morse even sees you, it's too late. Forget about lock-on.
• Rick Morse lit some fireworks to amuse himself, it exploded as Nimbus Missiles.
• Rick Morse is the only person who can score S ranks on Free Flight.

Mordor style

• One does not simply fly into B7R to get away from 'escapee killers'.
• One does not simply use the EW-1 Trinity without risking yourself & your allies too.
• One does not simply destroy the Hresvelgr without downing the Espadas first.
• One does not simply evade the 8492nd in trainer jets.
• One does not simply drop bombs on a plane, especially a fighter. (AC3 JP)
• One does not simply fire LSWMs from a jumbo jet.
• One does not simply shoot down Ilya Pasternak until the game decides you've earned it.
• One does not simply decide not to use Assault Horizon's Dogfight Mode if one wants to beat the campaign.
• One does not simply "misplace some zeros".
• One does not simply survive in the Round Table.
• One does not simply shoot missiles at Sulejmani from the six o'clock position and expect it to do any damage.
• One does not simply shoot down an X-49. (unless somebody else collides with it and gets stuck on it).
• One does not simply hum the Mappy theme song in the midst of an air battle. (Ace Combat Infinity)
• One does not simply weave through burst missiles. (AC5)
• One does not simply shoot down the Arkbird when it flies like a fighter.
• One does not simply build five Stonehenge facilities. (Infinity)
• One does not simply nuke themselves to stave off an invasion.
• One does not simply shoot down Lorenz Riedl twice. (ACZ & AC6)
• One does not simply 'HOLD FIRE' when taking out the SOLG with a TLS shot.