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"You are what you eat…" - Joey Macintyre after drawing the Sparrow-Hawk.

Macintyre Appliances XP-96[]

In 1944 when the war was heavily favoring the allies, the Osean military Brass after knocking back a couple and pinching the ass of some secretary named Yumiko decided to blow 190,000 Zollars on a weapon project that had no use. The concept was simple, build the worlds smallest, most unsafe, most cost effective melon baler money could buy. But a typo at the ministry of defense changed the words melon baler to tactical interceptor and the XP-96 was born. No company within 10,000 miles of Oured wanted to tap that so they called upon a young fellow named Joey Macintyre who had been grieving over the death of his pet screech owl Tommy after a B-29’s prop chopped it to pieces. Macintyre who had experience making small paper airplanes and crude parachutes from old undergarments in high school was itching to make his first “Aeromaplane”. A young Belkan POW named “Flake” aka Christian Lindemann also aided in the construction of the fighter, Lindemann who was always drunk and chasing Girls tits had not the slightest clue of building planes or much less flying one since he was a radio operator was picked to test fly the plane, since he was the least likely to go rogue and kill everyone with it. After two weeks of drunken parties, homo-erotic wrestling matches, 17 tons of plywood, some Elmer’s Craft Paste and a liberal application of Schauerfaust 999,999-A Micro-Turbojet engines (shortened to SFST999AMTE) since Schauerfaust 999,999-A Micro-Turbojet Engines was too impractical to say in normal conversation -COUGH, HAACK!- The XP-96 was built and ready to fly, the fighter was as big as a mini cooper with only a 5.6ft. Wingspan and a cockpit that could only accommodate pilots of less than 5’5 height, luckily for Lindemann he had pre greased his flight suit with bacon grease and was a measly 5’3 and only weighed 89lbs. The aircrafts weaponry was limited to two .303 caliber Vickers Machine Guns (Dirty Limeys LOL) and or firing a Pair of Walther P-38 9mms out of the cockpit Akimbo Style Mother F$%^ers. Bombs were only a Mills Bomb hand grenade chucked out of the hole in the seat. Lindemann took to the skies and as expected the Dirty Belkan SOB started shooting at something. After he expended the ammunition of his .303s the Vertically Challenged Belkan tried to escape from his Osean Captors but failed after his plane sucked a flock of Canadian Geese into his engine resulting in a massive fire and the plane exploding. In 1947 after the war ended only 140 of these micro interceptors were built after Osean high command sobered up and realized what they did and the ass of the secretary was actually one of the generals grandmothers forced Macintyre appliances to stop building the little plane. Macintyre penniless and without a pet owl decided to sell the XP-96 as a high speed flying bicycle but after 30 people died he closed up shop and sold the company to his brother Vinnie. The remaining XP-96s were sold to Weilvakia were they equipped the EF squadron of the WAF until 1997 when the last XP-96 crashed into a Orphanage for Wayward Screech Owls and Homicidal Child Prodigies.

Sadly the Operator manual didn't help anyones case in that it was printed in six different languages. This is an excerpt of this manual.

Kā lidot zvirbulis-Hawk High Speed velosipēdu.

1. डैशबोर्ड और धीरे धीरे अधिकतम करने के लिए गला घोंटना प्रेस पर इग्निशन कुंजी मुड़ें.

2. polako otpustite kočnice parking, i odreći se svoje slijetanje zaliske, također provjeriti gorivo mješavine i oružja.0,303 strojnice učiniti čuda na golubovima.

3. Hit der Drosselklappe und Feuer frei! auch eine besondere Note. Ziehen Sie auf dem Stick und Sie fliegen jetzt ein vollkommen gutes Fahrrad.

4. You might notice that the aircraft is lined with asbestos, this was not our doing but was necessary in keeping the plane safe from pilot related fires.

Xf-85 goblin us govt photo